1. Sucking for air and thinking/reacting with the mental capacity of an 8 year old is not my idea of a good time.

2. They are alot more aesthetically pleasing mountains than Everest. let's face it, it's not a pretty peak

3. I don't happen to have 60,000 dollars in my pocket to blow on a climbing trip

4. I'm kind of allergic to other peoples feces

5. i don't feel like sharing my base camp with a bunch of New York City solcialites.

6. I'm tired of my non climbing acquaintances asking me if I am going to climb Everest.

7. If I were in that valley I would rather climb Lhotse

8. I probably couldn't get up everest Anyway, so I'd be wasting the 60k I don't have.

9. I can't use my new fangled leashless tools on Everest.

10. I doubt I could run into town on stormy days to grab some nice steaks and a few boxes of vino tinto.

11. i could climb the local landfill and probably see less trash.

12. I have a strange aversion to seeing half frozen pathologists staggering into my camp.

13. There would probably be more wireless technologhy in basecamp than I am comfortable with. I hate sitting in a restaurant next to a chatty cell phoner. i don't want to travel halfway around the world and pay 60k to do the same thing.

14. I don't want to be on the summit and have some schmo flip out his satellite phone and say "Honey...guess where I am!"

15. I could do the first ascent by a 35 yar old NYer wearing a Wild Things jacket and smoking a fatty on the South Col..but who would care?

16. I'm afraid of Everest because all the newspaper articles say it is the most dangerous and toughest mountain in the world. Think I'll go climb Changabang instead. It's a lot smaller.

17. Fixed lines give me the willies

18. My Mom won't let me

19. There will probably be a Maoist insurgency in Khatmandu while I am there and I will wind up being kidnapped by someone who thinks I am the devil incarnate.

20. The New Paltz climbing film festival is in October and I would miss Ivan Greene's latest bouldering video. On second thought, I'm sure it will be exactly the same as his last video, so nevermind.

Give me a while...I'll come up with more. In the meantime, feel free to add your own reasons. I'm sure we can get this list to 101!

RR

21. Because it's there. And there, people die.

22. Due to a mishap playing king of the hill on the jungle gym in the 5th grade, I can't get myself to walk across horizontal ladders.

23. Because I really, really, really respect mother nature.

24. Because unclimbing Everest is even more deadly than climbing it, and there ain't no escalator back down.

25. Because cragging is more fun.

26. Because if you went on a US road trip for the length of time an Everest trip would take, you'd spend 'way more days climbing than you would on Everest.

27. Because you have to carry really heavy stuff uphill on Everest.

28. Because until global warming is more advanced, you still can't kayak the Khumbu Icefall.

29. (This one clinched it for me when I had an invitation in 1989) Because I would have been away when my younger daughter was born. (Plus nobody got to the top.)


Hmm, but I'll always wonder: Was/am I rationalizing?

30. Because if something went wrong fellow climbers would just ignore me and leave me stranded.

Oops.... who said that.

31. If I travel that far, I would rather put up a new route than do something so many others have done.

32. No crowds when you climb an obscure peak in an obscure valley as opposed to Everest.

33. Permits are cheaper on smaller peaks.

34. Would rather not become a piece of fixed gear in the death zone.

35. Like having all own original appendages (including nose and ears).

36. because climbing with rangerrob is climbing with the fuzz

37. i do not want to pay the maoist "tax"

38. i hate dahl baht!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

39. Cuz ya can't do it on top rope.

40. Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge at 6pm is crowded enough for me.
41. I hate waiting in lines - especially when it's cold out.
42. I find big parties where I have to talk to boring people I don't know depressing.

43. If I wanted to climb near that many people I would just go to the Gunks on a Saturday

44. I feel the need to shower at least once a month

45. I'm an ER nurse, and I'd be afraid other people on the mountain would find out and then I'd never get any sleep.

46. If I had 2 months of free time and $60k I can think of approximately 1.2 million other things I'd rather do.

47. I thoroughly enjoy explaining to non-climbers why I have no interest in doing a really long approach hike without any actual climbing

48. I don't have any male inadequacy issues (read: small dick) that I feel can be resolved by paying a 3rd world citizen to drag my ass up a really big hill

49. Hypoxia is really very bad for you

50. Climbing/living in the Front Range exposes me to quite enough narcissistic assholes, thank you.

I apologize if none of that made sense. I just worked 3 12-hour shifts in a row and then drank a beer. I'm feeling a little hypoxic... I mean drunk.

Very, very good people. Keep up the good work, I know we can get to 101. Some of these reasons are basically the same, but as long as you can put in another way and make it funny, who cares.

51. There's a small chance that I am actually jealouse of the people who can do it, and by me making a list of why I don't want to do it, it makes me feel better about myself.

reason # ???

too much litter from rich assholes that can't carry out what was carried in for them.

52. Because I'm scared enough about doing this 60-mile walk that seemed like a great idea a couple of months ago but now seems hard a week before. And the walk is flat.

53. Because the word climbing no longer has anything to do with mountains, hard work, or risk and since I am a climber, why should I expected to be near a mountain, do hard work for sustained periods of time, or put myself at risk in an environment with real objective hazards?

54. Because living in a tent in snow is squalorous.

55. Because, quite apart from the fecal build-up at Base Camp, dropping your trousers in the cold is tremendously unpleasant.

56. Because if I'm going to climb ladders, as one does in the Khumbu Ice Fall, I might as well stay home and clean the leaves out of my gutters.

57. Because I don't think it would be fun while actually in the process of climbing the mtn.

58. Because they'll give my job to somebody else before I get back.

59. Because freeze-dried and dehydrated foods taste worse than airline food. (This comparison is only relevant for those who manage to fly on airlines that still have meal service.) (Sorry, I'm not trying to hijack the thread.)

60. I'll miss first run episodes of Stargate-1, Stargate Atlantis, and Battlestar Galactica.

61. Getting chewed to death by black flies and chiggers in the Gunks is far more enjoyable.

# 62 No smoochy smoochy with my wife... 2-3 months is a long time to go with out

63. Because while I find it mildly inspiring that the blind, the physically handicapped, infants and geriatrics have successfully summitted, if i failed, I don't think I could live with my friends delightfully pointing out that "blind, crippled and senile" people* have succeeded where I failed.

64. Because sport climbing is for pussies* (i.e., recall that the Hilary Step is now bolted).

*relax, folks, it's a joke.

65. Because I'm a huge sissy! No seriously... I think it would hurt alot!

66. I wouldn't be able to whine with my usual impunity... not enough O2!

67. Could anyone posting or reading this site really deal with not reading for two months? Nope!

68. I got tired climbing Cascade Mt... and its like an eighteen-billionth of the height

69. Heheheh...

70. I heard there's ice on Everest. Ice is for drinks.

(sorry to steal your line Eddie, but I agree.)

GO

71. My kids already think less of me for going away on weekends and an occaisional week-long climbing trip and my wife might realize what a pain I am when I'm home. I would then have no one to hang out with except the dogs, who would be pissed at not getting to run in the woods for 3 months!

72. i like all my fingers and toes, they help me pick up stuff

73. Stepping in poo is gross enough when its my own dogs, lest not at altitude and of the human variety.

74. having to pee trhough like 10 layers

75. There are easier, less expensive and less risky ways to get mentioned on CNN.

76. Somebody might complain if I brought my dog/kid/Yeti and left it at base camp while climbing.



And with tongue firmly in cheek:

I can't park my SUV close enough.

"Dude, there's no chains to toprope from."

Sport climber 1: "Dude, I was going for the burn on this rad V12 on the Hillary Step, when a hold broke off."
Sport Climber 2: "Uh, dude, that was some guys hand."
Sport Climber 1: "Dude, does that make it a V13? Man I smell my next project!. I'll call it The Dead Guy in the Yellow Parka variation!"

You simply can't get a decent double latte on the South Col.

I might rip my North Face down jacket. (I've worn it on all my expeditions; to the mall, to Starbucks...)

I'd miss an episode of (fill in the name of the vapid TV show du jour).

No place to charge my Ipod.

77. I'll only do it when someone comes up with the sit start variation to the South Col route.

78. If I do make a "contribution" to the Maoists and claim it on my taxes, I'll be audited by the IRS AND have Homeland Security on my doorsteps

79. The beer in a New Palz restureunt beats the taste of Chang hands down

80. It will be interesting only if they do a sit start and an extension

(and even though it really doesn't cost $60K, many of my friends have done it for $34K, but no thank you....)

81. I prefer reading the New York Times in hand rather than online.

Oh I have a lot of hope that we will make 101 before the weekend! Keep em coming you cynical bastards!

RR

trying to deal with the heat the last two days.. freezing to death on Mt E doesn't sound so bad

82. It's hard enough to sell backpacks on the internet. Could you imagine trying to sell them on the hilary step?
83. Nobody would recognize me styling in my hilary step photos in 'name that route'.
84. There isn't a bar at basecamp like at Aconcagua.
85. I'd have to post in forums via a sat phone. The latency would kill me.

86. Because there won't be any men climbing shirtless.

87. Sports bra's and lycra aren't a good idea at 29,000 feet.

88. I'd have to sign up for a new cell phone service - 2 year minimum contract!
89. My cat would bite me when I got back.
90. I froze my toes once 30 years ago. They still hurt. Why would I want to do it again?

91. Too hard to parade around in a pink thong. (And yaks aren't as cute as sheep.)

93. The time committment would set me back on getting those dance lessons started.
94. I can't carry in enough Mountain Dew to maintain my habit.

95. Because when I summit in the fastest time ever, without oxygen, I will become a national celebrity. I will become snobbish and look down on all of you little weekend climbers. Oh wait. I do that already. Still, the paparazzi would annoy me after a while.

96. Because the guide service won't provide the same kind of bottled oxygen that I get at my favorite oxygen bar in Aspen.

97. Because you'll get head lice on the approach.

98. Because there are now ordinances against sweeping amputated fingers and toes onto railroad station platforms (As Dr. Oudot did with Maurice Herzog's digits post-Annapurna).

99. Because ice is for scotch

100. Because Cho Oyu is a much nicer ski hill.

100 anda half: Because the guide says there's no guarantee I'll get to the top. For that kind of money I expect a guarantee. I get my way at sea level; I expect to get my way at 50,000 feet. Or whatever it is.

100 and three quarters: I just found out those lazy sherpas expect me to cary my own oxygen bottle and trail mix. I swear, these third worlders wouldn't make it past the mail room if they were over here.

100 and seven eighths: The guide said I have to wear a hat. I HATE hats.

100 and 7/16ths: I'd have to train beforehand. I hate to train.

100 and 8 tenths: Because my penis might forget its normal size after 3 months of shrinkage.