Shout Box

Who's Online
1 registered (Ralph), 7 Guests and 1 Spider online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Page 1 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 >
Topic Options
#41477 - 11/12/08 03:54 PM letter to the Red States :-)
Mim Online   content
old hand

Registered: 01/27/00
Posts: 996
Loc: Gunks
Passing this one along... Mim

Dear Red States:

If you had managed to steal this election too, we'd decided we would be leaving. We intended to form our own country, and we'd be taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split would have been beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty.
You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft.
You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard.
You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States

Top
#41480 - 11/12/08 04:41 PM Re: letter to the Red States :-) [Re: Mim]
quanto_the_mad Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 05/14/02
Posts: 2628
Loc: brooklyn
_________________________


Top
#41482 - 11/12/08 04:55 PM Re: letter to the Red States :-) [Re: Mim]
strat Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 04/30/01
Posts: 4242
Precisely the kind of devisive bullshit that this election shows the world we're sick and tired of. Thanks for propagating it.

Top
#41485 - 11/12/08 05:10 PM Re: letter to the Red States :-) [Re: quanto_the_mad]
oenophore Online   confused
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/24/01
Posts: 5934
Loc: 212 land
According to the Jesusland map, Canadians apparently don't give a you-know-what about the Savior. Strat doesn’t find it all as funny as does Mim. Ooh, too divisive – Jesus, save us from that.
_________________________

Top
#41487 - 11/12/08 05:27 PM Re: letter to the Red States :-) [Re: Mim]
talus Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/23/04
Posts: 1259
sounds like a Sore Winner.

That's ok i dig Wyoming, Montana, Utah and Alaska.

Go Tigers!
_________________________
John Okner Photography

Top
#41491 - 11/12/08 06:00 PM Re: letter to the Red States :-) [Re: Mim]
alicex4 Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 07/05/00
Posts: 3400
You stay classy, Mim.

Top
#41493 - 11/12/08 06:38 PM Re: letter to the Red States :-) [Re: talus]
quanto_the_mad Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 05/14/02
Posts: 2628
Loc: brooklyn
Actually, looks like the original is from the 2004 elections as is the Jesusland map.

Blue won DE, MD, VA, NC and FL which were all slave states, but we lost Kansas which wasn't. Florida has the most hurricanes and Rush broadcasts from FL (but also NYC). And Worldcom? That's old news, Fannie and Freddy, AIG, Lehman, GM/Ford/Chrysler are more relevant, but well they're all in blue states.
_________________________


Top
#41496 - 11/12/08 06:47 PM Re: letter to the Red States :-) [Re: quanto_the_mad]
pedestrian Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 08/05/02
Posts: 2244
Loc: a heavily fortified bunker!
Mim, please, don't make me regret my vote. That was un-called-for.

Top
#41508 - 11/12/08 08:18 PM Re: letter to the Red States :-) [Re: pedestrian]
oenophore Online   confused
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 09/24/01
Posts: 5934
Loc: 212 land
 Originally Posted By: pedestrian
Mim, please, don't make me regret my vote. That was un-called-for.
Wouldn't you think that the only one who could make you regret your vote is the person you voted for?
_________________________

Top
#41513 - 11/12/08 08:44 PM Re: letter to the Red States :-) [Re: oenophore]
Dillbag Offline
old hand

Registered: 05/02/06
Posts: 1130
Loc: "The Town"
Recycled!

Come on... It was funny in 2004, but it's just kinda tired now...

Now those cool maps that someone posted up the other day! That was worth it!
_________________________
...anethum graveolens cucumis sativus!

Top
Page 1 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 >


Moderator:  webmaster 
Sponsored